I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
