He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
