Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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