didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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