If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
