btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
