Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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