I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
