i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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