i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
