If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
