oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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