Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
