$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
