Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
