How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
