Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
