just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
