Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
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