three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
