I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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