O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
