Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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