I just threw up on my dentist
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
