Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
