I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
