On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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