I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
