I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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