new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
