Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He has the fingertips of a God
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