I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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