i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
