he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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