You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
