Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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