chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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