i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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