So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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