I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
