what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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