I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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