I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
