Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
