I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
