So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
