I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
