It's like God shit irony all over that family
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
