I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
