mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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