I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
