u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
