My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
