I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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