Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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