Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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