cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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