Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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