I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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