I love black thongs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
