Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
