It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
a search helicopter?!
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I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here