Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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