Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.