I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted