Sry I called you an 8
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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