No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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