hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
