i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
