it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
