Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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