so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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