sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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