exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
