high people should be assigned attendants
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
