hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
