I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
