Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
