EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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